Three things I did to build courage

I had to force myself into change

I am an introvert and I hate, I mean HATE conflict. I would do whatever I could to avoid conflict and would be miserable in jobs and with friends just to not conflict with others. I didn’t ask for things I needed or deserved because I didn’t want to bother others. So, I spent the better part of three years of my life going against my comfort zone and forcing myself to do the thing that made me most afraid. Here are three things I did to turn around my fears:

I spoke up

When I saw something wrong, I would often just skulk away and say nothing. Instead I stood up and said something. Every fiber of my being was screaming run and hide but I forced myself to say something, and not just when I was safe and had support.

I worked with a guy who seemed angry all the time and I heard whispers that he was going to be fired and I knew why he was angry. He was angry because he was constantly in front of the customer with software that was failing to work effectively. So, I stood up and went to his boss and explained to him that in his shoes I would be angry every day too. There is nothing more frustrating than to be speaking to customers about how great a product is only to have it fail to do what you just said it could do.

This was not my job to do. This wasn’t really my business. But it was the right thing to do. The guy was doing his job very well, given the challenges he was experiencing. He deserved support and some understanding.

I did the things that scare me

When I was afraid to do something like, try something unknown, ask for a raise, or insist on a position, that was when I knew I had to do it.

I am a highly sensitive person. I feel things deeply and when I make mistakes I am my own worst enemy. I don’t need others to point out my mistakes and berate me. I do it well enough myself. When I am angry and trying to stifle that anger so that I can articulate clearly, what happens is, I cry. This makes this sort of challenge one of the scariest things I can do. The more I take on these challenges, the better I get at calming the anger and saying what I need to say.

Do I like it? No.

But I do it so I don’t lose the skill that I took so long to build.

I shushed my Lizard brain

Seth Godin describes the “Lizard brain” as the resistance in our head that tells us we can’t do things. It is very easy to follow the easy path and stick with the things as they are.

Like this blog. I have to ship. Some days are easier than others. But I keep showing up and writing in the hopes that inspiration will hit and I will learn and perhaps my words will inspire another one day.

Recently, my husband and I decided to sell our house and move into the city to become more civically active. We spent the last 17 years in our starter home and it would be easier to just stay in this house and just keep doing what we have always done, but feeling strongly about how our city is run and that we cannot vote, living just outside the city, it was time to move into the city and put our money where our mouth is. I am now committed to finding out where and when the city council meets and becoming more active in my city’s governance. It is time we as citizens hold our council accountable and I intend to be a part of that. That means I have to shut up my “lizard brain” and show up.

I am a sensitive introvert. These things make it a challenge for me to make waves in my life. So, I took it upon myself to learn how to push my boundaries and take risks that weren’t comfortable. I am still not comfortable with any of these but I learned that these are skills I needed as an adult and while these were not skills taught to me, I was able to teach myself through taking the risks I needed to when it was important to do so.

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